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Home » Archives » September 2006

Saturday, September 30th

I'll Adopt Yours If You Eat Mine

Waitin' for the UFOs(7k image)[Warning! The following post may be NSFWS (not safe for weak stomachs) and generally offensive to the PC-minded.] If it weren't for the fact that the program is supported by this guy, this Adopt-a-Clit program might actually be a worthy cause, as female genital mutilation remains an all-too common and horrifyingly cruel problem. Somehow I doubt Mr. Clonehead is going to put your money to good work though. He'd probably spend it all on a big plate of dick. By the way, that last link is just a BBC news item. Worth reading, if only to see phrases like "She guides me round the penis platter" used casually.

Posted By: Ian on 09.30.06 @ 09:22 AM EDT [link]

Friday, September 29th

Tell The Invisible Man I Can't See Him Today...

Unknown Hacker (5k image)...but I'll sue his ass anyway. In keeping with our country's fine tradition of pursuing terrorists who might not exist, and the RIAA's strategy of suing people for files that don't exist, Microsoft is suing an unknown hacker for developing a program that strips Windows Media DRM, allowing you to use your media as you like. This goes along well with the MPAA's plan to use dogs to sniff out pirated DVD's. We're still waiting for the explanation regarding how they smell a difference between regular shipments of DVD's, and those that are pirated.

Posted By: Ian on 09.29.06 @ 07:43 AM EDT [link]

Thursday, September 28th

Okay Son. Put Down The Bong, And Step Away From The Oven...

passthebong (30k image)
After years of believing that marijuana was a relatively benign drug, I've been forced to reconsider. It's not the fact that Alex Sawyer and Andrew Wilkins were busted for breaking into a Domino's Pizza operation and started baking brownies at 5:30 am. Hell, who couldn't understand that? It's really more the looks on their faces, to tell you the truth.

Posted By: Ian on 09.28.06 @ 01:28 AM EDT [link]

Wednesday, September 27th

Mickey Mouse Copyright Laws

mickey_in_chains_anim (14k image)
Ever heard of David Goodger? Me neither, until I was reviewing old articles I'd written about Mickey Mouse Copyright Laws in preparation for my upcoming "Free Mickey" campaign, in which I'll test other copyleftists' tolerance for having their ideas repurposed, and use some Mickey Mouse methods to do it. David Goodger designed the black-and-white symbol that's part of the blinking image on the left. He did it using a Creative Commies license, which lawyers I've talked to say might be a joke in court. I'm not gonna harass old Dave, his symbol represents the eternal imprisonment of Mickey, which upsets me too. I've got other escapades in mind. Stay tuned. Pretty soon Mickey may be shoving so many lawyers up my ass I can open a law firm up there.

Posted By: Ian on 09.27.06 @ 07:22 PM EDT [link]

Tuesday, September 26th

As If AT&T Wasn't Creepy Enough Already....

President's AnalystI was originally going to talk about Mickey in Chains today (more on that tomorrow), until a friend sent me a reminder about the scary surveillance bill that Arlen Specter has been pushing. Especially considering the number of problems I and many people I know have had with that undead corporate beast AT&T, the idea of these bastards chumming up with the NSA and secret courts is pretty damn disturbing. (I keep thinking of The President's Analyst
for some reason...). There are more good summaries of the legislation at The Center for Democracy and Technology, and you can take action yourself here, thanks to the Electronic Frontier Foundation.

Posted By: Ian on 09.26.06 @ 11:16 PM EDT [link]

Monday, September 25th

Tell The Invisible Man I Can't See Sue Him Today

exhibit_a (1k image)In the RIAA's ongoing quest to alienate more and more people who might otherwise like to give them some money (e.g., the survivors of the dead old ladies they sue), they may have run into an interesting new challenge. The defendant in UMG v. Lindor contends that the RIAA cannot introduce songs into the lawsuit if it has not produced the actual song files as evidence. Hmm. Sounds good to me. If the glove doesn't fit, they must acquit. Right? Oh. Never mind. That was Chewbacca on Endor, not UMG v. Lindor...anyway, that image on the left is the evidence the RIAA seems to have in this case.

Posted By: Ian on 09.25.06 @ 10:47 PM EDT [link]

Sunday, September 24th

Salvador Dali Lama is a MySpace Junkie

sdl (60k image)It started out innocently enough. This past week, as I researched and started utilizing social networking and video sharing sites (see this last week's posts) for a series of articles and marketing ideas I have, I was FORCED (you could hear the bones cracking) to create a MySpace account. As I clicked and uploaded and banged my head against "Server Busy" pages and messages about "Unexpected Errors that Tom Will Fix Lickety-Split", it dawned on me, but much too late: I was addicted. "My name is Ian, and I'm powerless in the face of MySpace..." I even created the doofy graphic you see here to match my oh so clever handle: Salvador Dali Lama. So far, aside from dry, burning eyes and mouse-finger fatigue, I'm having a blast. I think it'll actually be a cool networking tool as I get ready to move out west. The only bad side effect so far (besides having a new addiction) is the fact that somewhere on MySpace - don't remember where - one of the more insane page hacks crashed Firefox and my system. The next time I rebooted, I had weird little popups from "NSIS Marketing". Turned out that whatever it was installed a few Trojans....this is definitely going on our new site when it goes live.

Posted By: Ian on 09.24.06 @ 11:47 PM EDT [link]

Saturday, September 23rd

Non Smokers Are So Cute

chile_nonsmoke (15k image)Breaking a little from this week's focus, we'd like to talk about another kind of tube. As a confirmed addict, to get me to quit smoking you'd have to pry the cigarettes "from my cold, dead hands", to paraphrase Chuck Heston a bit. That doesn't stop me from admiring a clever anti-smoking campaign when I see one. Check out this Chilean "Guerilla PSA", in which they roll up small sheets of propaganda to look like cigarettes and then leave them laying around on the streets. Frankly, that's just unsportsman-like if you ask me. Speaking of manners, this Japanese campaign is amazing in terms of how it uses the personal pronoun and strange graphics to keep the smoking populace smoking politely. If you like any of the messages, they all have little PDF download icons. I especially like this one, in which they acknowledge their own campaign is "like children scolding adults with paintbrushes", or this one, which says "before passing gas I look behind me".

Posted By: Ian on 09.23.06 @ 08:46 AM EDT [link]

Friday, September 22nd

Put A Bottle Rocket In Your Butt

And put the video on YouTube (that link requires a user log-in). I've been spending WAY too much time on "social networking" sites doing informal marketing research lately, and have found that Bruce Sterling was right in his now-dated book Islands in the Net when he said "The Net was a lot like television, another former wonder of the age. The Net was a vast glass mirror. It reflected what it was shown. Mostly human banality." Anchored by a frightening abundance of concept-of-reality-impaired teenage girls and boys, the vast majority of what you see on YouTube can be just as boring as being a part of that person's life. You also see a lot of "copycatting", like "I took a pic of myself every [insert time unit] for X [insert time unit(s)]" or variations on the"Numa Numa Guy"or "Isn't my cat cute" kind of stuff. I found this user's profile especially telling - User: [deleted out of courtesy] Age: 18 Country: US Channel Views: 44,177 Video Views: 5,137 Member Since: 2 months ago Videos Watched: 5,137...

And they wonder what's wrong with today's youth. Puh.

Posted By: Ian on 09.22.06 @ 10:45 AM EDT [link]

Thursday, September 21st

Can LonelyBoy Put MyTube in YourSpace?

yatube (3k image)After having some fun yesterday uploading a video to YouTube, I got curious about the state of the whole video sharing idustry. It's pretty crazy out there. As well as YouTube and Google Video, there's MSN's Soapbox (in beta, invite only right now), Yahoo Video and Yahoo Current , Grouper (recently acquired by Sony), Sharkle and DailyMotion (up to 1GB of storage!), Vimeo and iFilm (no limit specified), Stage6 DivX (up to 2GB but requires DivX webplayer), ZippyVideos, OnFuego, and VidLife. Phew!

Tomorrow: most common video sharing cliches.

Posted By: Ian on 09.21.06 @ 07:11 AM EDT [link]

Wednesday, September 20th

Look At My Big Fat Tube

View Clip on YouTubeMy big YouTube, that is. The site that I use as a primary marketing & sales channel for web design and development ( was approved for a "Director Account", which lets us upload longer clips than standard accounts. To check things out, we converted and uploaded an early video (YouTube Video Link) about my friend Lori Bergemann, who does some very cool wildlife conservation and education work in Kenya via her non-profit, Amara Conservation. Amara shows educational films in the bush (as pictured here) among other things. Shameless Self Promotion: I did the soundtrack and some of the camera work for the piece. All the really high-quality work was shot by Simon Trevor, who worked on "Out of Africa" & "Gorillas in the Mist", and has his own conservation-oriented NGO, the AEFF. Lots of the close-up elephant shots are from the elephant orphanage run by the Sheldrick Trust. YouTube Rocks!

Posted By: Ian on 09.20.06 @ 03:18 PM EDT [link]

Tuesday, September 19th

How to Act Like a Pirate

JollyRoger (8k image)First, get an eyepatch. Even if you don't talk like a pirate, it's an interesting conversation piece, and will help you feel evil while you do the rest of this stuff. Next, download a Bit Torrent program if you don't have one, and go to one of these sites: BTjunkie, Bitenova, Bushtorrents,,,, Meganova , Novatorrents,,, Torrent Portal, Torrent Valley,,,,,, Then, enter a search term like "Windows Vista" or "Adobe Creative Suite". If you're lucky, it won't be a password-protected file. Only really evil pirates make it as annoying to use the pirate version as it is to use the original. Now, go use your free illegal software for business purposes, just like Microsoft does.

All material on is completely fabricated, and provided solely for the purpose of entertaining the 3 or 4 people who visit the site. Any similarities to real persons, copyrighted/trademarked material, or objects existing on the physical plane are coincidental, no matter how obvious the parodic representation. Comments & opinions expressed herein do not reflect those of any sentient being. No programmers or content creators were injured in the creation of this post. does not actually recommend doing anything we suggest, including not doing what we suggest not doing. Or whatever.

Posted By: Ian on 09.19.06 @ 06:53 AM EDT [link]

Monday, September 18th

SueTube and MyCase

How apropos that Universal is talking about suing YouTube and MySpace the week of Talk Like a Pirate Day. Get ready for the hot pokers, YouTube. The music industry is desparate for some dough. Oh, and looky: Sony Corp.'s entertainment unit bought Grouper in August. Don't feel bad. I've never heard of Grouper either. I'm sure it'll look nice on the shelf with PS3, though. Check back tomorrow for lots of tips on how to ACT like a pirate instead of just talking like one.

Posted By: Ian on 09.18.06 @ 06:52 AM EDT [link]

Sunday, September 17th

Echopraxia's Going To Hell

churchsign_tn (7k image)

Okay, I promise this will be the last of my "make some dumb thing on line" posts. Instead of going to church today, why not make a church sign that more accurately reflects the sermon you'd like to attend. This might be an especially good idea if you're Catholic. On that note, anyone else noticing that so far the pope is only apologizing for Islam's reaction, and not what he said?

Posted By: Ian on 09.17.06 @ 08:09 AM EDT [link]

Saturday, September 16th

If You Don't Have A Job, How Can You Buy My Stuff?

Outsource the CEO T-Shirt on Cafepress

I expect strange new developments in business in Michigan. If all the Ford autoworkers get laid off (or bought out, as they call it these days) bumper sticker and t-shirt sales will go up (in the seventies, it was "Will the last person out of Michigan please turn off the lights"), but no-one will own a car to put their bumper sticker on. This t-shirt on Cafepress kind of sums it up.

Posted By: Ian on 09.16.06 @ 07:10 AM EDT [link]

Friday, September 15th

Bruce Lee's Gonna Kick Your Ass...

paper_bruce_lee (4k image)
...for making such a creepy paper cutout of him. Sticking with the accidental theme of on-line crafts this week, check out, where you'll find things you might expect (like the White House) as well as things you might not expect (like the Sydney Opera House) and things that are JUST FREAKIN' WEIRD, like Bruce Lee paper dolls.

Posted By: Ian on 09.15.06 @ 06:59 AM EDT [link]

Thursday, September 14th

You're a Genius

serenity_tn (7k image)

Continue to express it (see yesterday's post) by designing yet another item to empower your personal space. Design your own poster (based on the Demotivator concept) expressing your own one-word embodiment of powerful life concepts (click the image for a clearer vew).

Posted By: Ian on 09.14.06 @ 06:28 AM EDT [link]

Wednesday, September 13th

You May Already Be A Wiener

slack_award (9k image)
We're so honoured to finally have won an award. Especially from such a prestigious organization. The best part is, YOU can win an award too! Make your own seals and emblems with the Official Seal Generator. Like the man says: "Enter some text, choose a border and an emblem, pick your colors, and click the 'Go' button. An Official Seal will be generated for you. Collect 'em, trade 'em, put 'em on your website, or e-mail 'em to your friends."

Posted By: Ian on 09.13.06 @ 06:50 AM EDT [link]

Tuesday, September 12th

US Government Hosting Porn Sites

You may have heard about Cathy Carlson, the woman from California whose trademark application for the phrase "you cum like a girl" was refused, and how Patent and Trademark Office attorney Patrick Shanahan sent her ten megabytes of porn (Smoking Gun link to blurred images) to prove his point. But if you've seen that link, did you know it was the Smoking Gun that blurred the images? The government is hosting the original unedited images (that last link is DEFINITELY NOT safe for work).


A couple of people have said that the USPTO link above doesn't work. Here's how to get the file from our labyrinthian government servers: From the USPTO home page, select "View Full Files" under trademarks in the left menu. Run a search for Serial Number 78682282. When the contents of the file come up, mark the checkbox next to the document marked 12-Jul-2006 - Offc Action Outgoing. Click "Start download". Phew. A lot of work for 10 megs of porn....

Posted By: Ian on 09.12.06 @ 07:35 AM EDT [link]

Monday, September 11th

Things Are Good

No, really.

Posted By: Ian on 09.11.06 @ 09:11 PM EDT [link]

Sunday, September 10th

I'm Running Away to Join the Circus...

Little Girl Giant (24k image)..after seeing this amazing video (The Little Girl Giant) from the Royal de Luxe theatre's The Sultan's Elephant (La visite du sultan des Indes sur son éléphant à voyager dans le temps), a traveling show about a time-traveling elephant. Apparently the company is very well-known in continental Europe, but only appeared in the UK this year. The eerie juxtaposition of La Balayers Du Desert's "Decollage" (mp3 download page here, if you like it) and a giant little girl marionette kind of put me in dreamland.

Posted By: Ian on 09.10.06 @ 07:03 PM EDT [link]

Saturday, September 9th

The Copyfight Continues (EMI Shivers Yer Timbers. Arggh!)

Wow. The record industry's at it again. If you happened to catch The Beachles (the Beatles' Sgt. Pepper & Beach Boys' Pet Sounds smashed together) while it was on line, you know that it was unlistenable tripe, but interesting all the same. But now, (just like they did with Danger Mouse's Grey Album & djBC's Beastles) they're going after the poor nerd that created it, because, you know, if you have some horrible mix that merges "I'm Waiting For The Day" and "Fixing a Hole" into "Im Fixing It, Dayhole", you'll never buy a Beatles album, you filthy pirate, ARGGH...

Guess the copyfight's still on. So buy one of our copyfight parodies from Cafepress.

Posted By: Ian on 09.09.06 @ 08:10 AM EDT [link]

Friday, September 8th

Sia Later

Because I'm not leaving the vicinity of my stereo system until I get tired of playing Sia
- Colour the Small One
on an endless loop. I ran across this fan/mashup video (in which the song is mashed with clips from NBC's "The Office", whatever that is...) on YouTube and couldn't get the tune out of my head. Her site is here.

Posted By: Ian on 09.08.06 @ 07:54 AM EDT [link]

Thursday, September 7th

A Good Ass Chewing

Lending a whole new meaning to the expression"candy ass", apparently there's a real product called Cat Butt Gum. If you're actually brave enough to chew cat butt, you may find that afterwords you'll need to lick your wounds. Only $1.65/scab!

Posted By: Ian on 09.07.06 @ 06:20 AM EDT [link]

Wednesday, September 6th

A Bridge to World Peace

Well, maybe not. We've all probably heard of Esperanto (Wikipedia link), but I'd never of Europanto until yesterday. Can you understand this sample sentence? (Click the "more" button below for the translation.):

"Eine terrible menace incumbe over el Kingdom des Angleterra. Poor Regina Elisabeth habe spent todo seine dinero in charmingantes hats und pumpkinose carrosses und maintenow habe keine penny left por acquire de Champagne dat necessite zum celebrate Prince Charles anniversario op el 14 Novembro."

Posted By: Ian on 09.06.06 @ 07:07 AM EDT [link]

Tuesday, September 5th

Have You Driven a Ford Lately?

Probably not, and somehow I don't think the Ford Bold Moves ad campaign will change that fact. Growing up in the shadow of Detroit, I've always been surrounded by people wearing "Big Three" garb (even tattoos!), and listening to people insisting you buy American, even if it meant they bought a Ford made in Spain before they'd buy a Honda made in America. Articles on the Bold Moves web site like A New Global Battle: The Emergence of The "Big Six" make Ford sound like the war's already won, which might explain their continued bad news. I don't mind though.I'm all for globalization. I'd rather drive a Maybach 57.

Which reminds me of something funny I overheard when I still waited tables several years ago. I was waiting on a British couple and a German man who all apparently worked for the then newly-merging Daimler-Chrysler. The German man kept saying "Daimler this" and "Daimler that", until finally the British woman took note and asked if it were not in fact "Daimler Chrysler". The German man paused for a moment. "I'm afraid the Chrysler" he said, munching his salad, "is silent".

Posted By: Ian on 09.05.06 @ 07:06 AM EDT [link]

Monday, September 4th

Crikey! Poopy!

I'm not sure which is the biggest news item of the week. The death of Steve Irwin, the Aussie everyone seemed to love to hate, or the poop of the baby of the star that everyone seems to love to hate, Tom Cruise.

Posted By: Ian on 09.04.06 @ 07:10 AM EDT [link]

Sunday, September 3rd

Awww, toe tute!

It a tute diddle titty tat.

Really. Try to deny the cute.

Posted By: Ian on 09.03.06 @ 08:47 PM EDT [link]

Saturday, September 2nd

Is That A Bomb In Your Pants?
Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

As someone who's really tired of living with everyone else's fear and unmitigated panic, I found this Spinal Tap-inspired prank rather hilarious. With someone to handle my wet stuff and a vibrator in my jeans, I'll never be afraid to fly again!

Posted By: Ian on 09.02.06 @ 12:23 PM EDT [link]

Friday, September 1st

That's MyTube, Not YourTube

Although I find the idea of violent porn VERY unappealing (in fact I think most porn has a profoundly negative impact on contemporary culture), I still find the idea of completely censoring it (as the British government may end up doing) a little troubling. Especially when they're already guilty of gaffes like this, where they mistakenly censored content they themselves posted to YouTube.

Posted By: Ian on 09.01.06 @ 06:32 AM EDT [link]