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Home » Archives » March 2005

Tuesday, March 29th

Tuesday May Be Soylent Green Day...

But Monday is DINGUS DAY!

I'm such a dingus sometimes...While I was all busy getting hysterical yesterday, it totally slipped by me that it was Dyngus Day.

What could be more fun than boys and girls drenching each other and smacking each other with pussy willows?

Posted By: Ian on 03.29.05 @ 07:24 AM EDT [link]

Monday, March 28th

Terri Schiavo's Blog

Yes, Terri Schiavo has a blog. So does her husband. Did you know there's a save Terry Schiavo teddy bear? Then there's the "To Hell With Terri Schiavo, Stop Feeding Kirstie Alley" t-shirt.

Forgive me, I was sure this story would die (sic) before it drove me insane. But could someone please explain to me why this woman's life is more important than the thousands who've died in Iraq or the millions dying of starvation * or being slaughtered worldwide? Or anyone else who's been unplugged in the last 30 years or so?

By the way. Did you know Tom Delay's family did some unplugging of their own?

If I'm ever PVS, unplug me. There's my will. (Bet that expression's going to catch on at the grade schools: "Dood, UR like Soooooo PVS!" )

* Why do they call it hunger? these people are effing starving, it's not like they want more fries or something

Posted By: Ian on 03.28.05 @ 08:28 AM EDT [link]

Sunday, March 27th

Happy Esther

Well, I'm sure Mel Gibson is enjoying a resurrection of video rentals today. Wonder if he's ever given any thought to the under-representation of women in his religion? The only book included in the present day Bible by a woman is Esther (not to be confused with the Korean model or Madonna, er, I mean Esther ). A little odd, considering the fact that Jesus himself broke with centuries of tradition in his fair and equal treatment of women. Given that the last translation of the most accepted compilation of scripture occurred in the 1600's and has a British king's name plastered all over it, maybe it's time for some revisions...

Enough preachin'. Did you know that you can play "Spyhunt" if you know the secret code to enter in Microsoft Excel? Find more Easter Eggs here...

Hoppy Easter!

Posted By: Ian on 03.27.05 @ 09:42 AM EDT [link]

Saturday, March 26th

War Is Cute

Just ask Sugar Bush Squirrel.

Ninja Cupids are cute too (Flash game).

Tigger and Tickle Me Elmo getting it on is not.

Bipedal octupi however, are just plain freaky.

Posted By: Ian on 03.26.05 @ 09:03 AM EDT [link]

Thursday, March 24th

Stop Calling Me A Queer, You Crypto-Nazi

Gore Vidal, as well as writing some good fiction and one really frightening screenplay (to his credit, he did try to wash his hands of the thing), has been freely spewing vitriol about the sad state America is in for years. Perpetual War for Perpetual Peace was a recent fave of mine; I'd never really let it sink in that we're ALWAYS at war, and that the government just doesn't always market our activities with ginchy names like "Enduring Freedom".

There's a great (but lengthy) interview with him this week at Who can resist the charm of a dialog like this from live T.V. coverage of the 1968 Democratic Convention:

Gore Vidal: "As far as I'm concerned, the only sort of proto- or crypto-Nazi I can think of is yourself. Failing that, I'll only say that we can't have--"

William F. Buckley: "Now listen, you queer, stop calling me a crypto-Nazi or I'll sock you in the goddamn face and you'll stay plastered."

Alas. The days of famous literate American drunks have gone the way of most other American Values....

Posted By: Ian on 03.24.05 @ 09:06 PM EDT [link]

Wednesday, March 23rd

It Also Makes PERFECT Espresso!

UPDATE (03/24):
This was a rather nerd-centric link anyway, but they've since updated the info. The Amazon shopper reviews in the meantime (a new one about every twenty minutes) were quite amusing, I'm surprised they didn't cash in on it as viral marketing.

I'm not usually one to post a product link, but Amazon has an incredible new computer on sale that has a 10 GHz processor. Check out these features:

Model: TPCV1250S
Price: $2,312.95
10.00 GHz AMD Athlon
2 Gigabytes DIMM
30 Terabyte IDE Hard Disk

A typical user review:
...Wow! This thing went sooo fast, it caused a temporal vortex, throwing me and the computer back in time...I am writing this review three years before the product has even been invented....

Posted By: Ian on 03.23.05 @ 08:41 AM EDT [link]

Tuesday, March 22nd

Strip Search

I know you're all jealous that I'm doing my own comic strip. Although I must say it's hard to create dramatic tension when all the characters are EVIL.

Well now you can MAKE YOUR OWN. You might also like to know, if you don't have a health care plan, that your tax dollars are supporting this via the National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute.

Posted By: Ian on 03.22.05 @ 08:51 AM EDT [link]

Monday, March 21st

My, That's a Frivolous Suit You Have On

I'm glad the current administration and the GOP are trying to limit frivolous lawsuits. Maybe they can get this yoga teacher to chill out, get the record industry stop suing customers (especially the dead old ladies), and keep that pesky Liberal Media off the backs of humorists.

Personally, this has always been my idea of a frivolous suit.

Posted By: Ian on 03.21.05 @ 08:31 PM EDT [link]

Friday, March 18th

Mommy, What's A Hump Day?

If you're employed, be happy. It's Friday. You made it. Hope you had better luck getting to the other side than this guy (Flash).

If you're unemployed, thank your deity that you don't live in Germany, where jobs are going to the lowest bidder.

In any case, you're wasting your life away at a computer, so make it entertaining. Watch some crash test videos, or the weird and often macabre Flash animations of Han Hoogerbrugge. If you're intrigued, he has a new interactive animation called Hotel.

Posted By: Ian on 03.18.05 @ 08:14 AM EDT [link]

Thursday, March 17th

Oil's Well That Ends Well

Since Halliburton is doing such a great job with taxpayer dollars (just ask Bunny "yeah-that's-really-my-name" Greenhouse) the U.S. senate (perhaps with a little incentive) has passed a bill allowing drilling in the arctic. Could this be in any way connected with Thursday's record high oil prices?

Posted By: Ian on 03.17.05 @ 07:16 AM EDT [link]

Tuesday, March 15th

Film on the Web: We Can't Strand It

Today marked the release of Blair Witch Project creator Daniel Myrick's new web-only film The Strand. I'm sure it's a fascinating piece of work, but we may never know; they've made some some serious mistakes in launching their idea.

First off, to view the first (and only free) "webisode", you have to:

1.) Provide an e-mail address (no big deal)
2.) Have a BitTorrent client (how many people even know what this is?)
3.) Be running Win XP, 2000, or NT, though 30% of users still have Win98
(They say a Mac version is coming. Film people snubbing Mac users? Weird)
4.) Have Windows Media Player 9 installed (insecure, truly evil software)
5.) Create BitPass account (Many people still don't even trust PayPal)
6.) Download the file in BitTorrent (See here for the problems they're having)

In spite of these problems (we really do wish them the best), it looks like the people they're working with have some interesting ideas. They seem to have a set of loosely associated sites that are exploring interesting stuff: may turn out to be an interesting new "pay-per-play" option, looks like it might be a cool new mp3 site, and Haxan Films is consulting on another indie film, Nothing So Strange.

Anybody got a viable torrent link?

Posted By: Ian on 03.15.05 @ 10:07 PM EDT [link]

Saturday, March 12th

No Really. Waffa The Fatwa?

You know, Tatu is so 2002 we won't even get into it. But why didn't the terrorism-themed follow-up act n.A.T.o. catch on? Personally I think this video (DIVX AVI) ROCKS. Well, the terrorist theme lives on. Check out M.I.A. (what is it with the A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S., anyway?). Apparently her dad was grrrrrrrrrreat, like, er... Tamil the Tiger. There's an impossibly slow video download here.

If you like M.I.A., maybe you'll like MU. Asian pop as terrorism. With titles like Afro Finger and Gel, how could you go wrong? Video here (Quicktime). And not to be overlooked in the realm of terrorist-themed divas: Osama Bin Laden's niece. Seems if yer purdy, can figure out how to use Audiomulch, and have a video camera, you're destined for fame.

Posted By: Ian on 03.12.05 @ 11:34 PM EDT [link]

Friday, March 11th

What The Fatwa?

If this guy even exists, it's about time someone made a strong statement like this. Not that it had much effect on this guy (shameless product link).

Posted By: Ian on 03.11.05 @ 11:44 PM EDT [link]

Thursday, March 10th

Buzz F***ing Bunny Update

We brought you up to speed on the new Bugs Bunny previously. Now turn up the volume and get ready for XTREME F***ing BUZZ BUNNY. Definitely NSFW, lots of cussing, etc etc.

Posted By: Ian on 03.10.05 @ 06:36 PM EDT [link]

Wednesday, March 9th

The Week's Hot Read & The Death of the U.N.

Didn't post for nearly a week because I was so enraptured with reading Frank Luntz' GOP Playbook (take a look, it's everything you really don't want to know about how the GOP is marketing their insanity). Had to take a break because I'm so excited the empire's plans seem to be moving along nicely; they've appointed John R. Bolton as ambassador to the United Nations. As the Village Voice puts it:

"Bush regime flunky Condi Rice introduces John R. Bolton to a dismayed planet".

If you're not familiar with John R. Bolton, he's known for saying things like:

"The Secretariat building in New York has 38 stories. If it lost ten stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference."

Perhaps you find things like this disturbing, but I, for one, welcome our new warmongering overlords.....

Posted By: Ian on 03.09.05 @ 07:53 AM EDT [link]

Thursday, March 3rd

Dinner at Applebee's With White Supremacists

Anybody remember Might magazine? I ravenously devoured each issue until its demise. To this day I fantasize about doing some of the things that contributor Harmon Leon did, like Get Fired in 3 Hours or Less. One of his more recent exploits: My Dinner at Applebee's With White Supremacists! If you enjoyed Might, there's a collection of essays from the magazine available in book form: Shiny Adidas Tracksuits and the Death of Camp: And Other Essays

Posted By: Ian on 03.03.05 @ 12:24 PM EDT [link]

Wednesday, March 2nd

You want HOW MUCH for a gram of WHAT?

Ashes to ashes, funk to funky: send one gram of your cremated remains into space for a mere $12,500 (I hope they pay more attention to their flight parameters than their sales pitch, there's a typo in the first paragraph).

Dollars to grams though, the way I feel living in the arctic midwest this time of year, ecstasy (Quicktime Movie Link) could be an alternative. But before you all run out to get some, better make sure it's the Drug You Need.

Posted By: Ian on 03.02.05 @ 12:29 PM EDT [link]

Tuesday, March 1st

End of the World Rescheduled

In the interest of the new trend towards (ahem) ethical blogging, we feel it our duty to point out that the end of the world via Red Heifer has been rescheduled. Seems Reverend Clyde's cattle still haven't passed muster. You can still visit the restaurant though.

Posted By: Ian on 03.01.05 @ 10:15 AM EDT [link]