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Victory Declared in War on Peace
Before the current administration was
elected, we joked about where the war would be. It's comforting
(at least to the Defense Industry) to know that you can
always count on the Bush Team for some kind of full-blown
military action and an evil enemy, even if you have to
create him. We hear a lot of complaints about the ineffective
bombing in Afghanistan, but as taxpayers, you should applaud
this "release of ordinance". Think about it - we must
have quite a stockpile of aging bombs, and it's probably
quite a bit cheaper to drop them somewhere than to defuse
and dispose of them manually. Besides, if we can't provoke
extremists into committing more atrocities, how can we
justify carpet-bombing them?
The War On Drugs
We've been a little depressed about our apparent
loss in the War on Drugs, however. As a friend put it:
"I did my part as a soldier in the war on drugs, but no
matter how fast I did them, they just kept coming and
coming...". From what we've read about the quantity of
opium and heroin bursting out of Afghanistan, we hope
the "Special Forces on the Ground" we keep hearing about
are DEA and FBI - I mean, we don't want any of that stuff
in our country, now do we? Didn't we learn enough about
this Evil Enemy when Nancy Reagan was president?
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Missile Defense Program Moves
Ahead
After spending only forty billion
dollars to produce the astounding results shown here
(See Photo), the administration is requesting only another
seven or eight billion to move along, presumably with
a full-size working version, which actually exists in
physical reality.
Expected in the new, enhanced
version (which, as we said, will actually exist) is
the ability to down commercial airliners.
Playing Hide and Chic
One of the many points of humorous
relief provided by the media in the past several months
was the hour or two shortly after the attacks, when
they were trying to report the whereabouts of the Leader
of the Free World. Where did they want him to be? Sitting
in the White House with a big "X" on his head? However,
in the months since, many have been curious about the
location of Vice President Cheney, and we feel you have
a right to know, so we tracked him down. Much to our
surprise, he's successfully infiltrated the Taliban's
mysterious Yellow Guard. (See Photo)
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Gore Wins...
..our vote for Jonathan Frakes
look-alike. Watch for him in the upcoming film "Star Trek:
Riggedelection"
Number Two
It's been about 370 days since
Al Gore won the popular vote, and we can't help, like
many Americans, wondering what Al Gore would do if he
were in office. Probably write a book, or make that weird
"tsch" noise and smirk with one edge of his mouth, while
smugly correcting people for saying "nucular".
| A Few Words About The Liberal Elitist... |
| We think it's pretty clear that this
is parody. We hope you find it amusing, whatever your
political stance. Although we've been accused of being
Liberals ourselves, nothing could be farther from
the truth. It's just much easier to make fun of extremely
priviledged individuals than it is to make fun of
nice guys, and making fun of terrorists is way too
easy. |
| What is a Liberal Elitist? |
|
That breed of individual that drives a Lexus, and
talks about mass transit. That uses 200 sheets of
paper a day at the office, but insists on buying
Green Forest toilet paper, even though it's wrapped
in plastic.
Direct Your Gripes Here
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