The Liberal Elitist

"Get Your Hands Off My Fur Coat, I'm Trying To Save The Planet"

Vol II, Number I - December, 2001


Victory Declared in War on Peace

Dr Evil and Mini-me

Before the current administration was elected, we joked about where the war would be. It's comforting (at least to the Defense Industry) to know that you can always count on the Bush Team for some kind of full-blown military action and an evil enemy, even if you have to create him. We hear a lot of complaints about the ineffective bombing in Afghanistan, but as taxpayers, you should applaud this "release of ordinance". Think about it - we must have quite a stockpile of aging bombs, and it's probably quite a bit cheaper to drop them somewhere than to defuse and dispose of them manually. Besides, if we can't provoke extremists into committing more atrocities, how can we justify carpet-bombing them?

The War On Drugs

We've been a little depressed about our apparent loss in the War on Drugs, however. As a friend put it: "I did my part as a soldier in the war on drugs, but no matter how fast I did them, they just kept coming and coming...". From what we've read about the quantity of opium and heroin bursting out of Afghanistan, we hope the "Special Forces on the Ground" we keep hearing about are DEA and FBI - I mean, we don't want any of that stuff in our country, now do we? Didn't we learn enough about this Evil Enemy when Nancy Reagan was president?


Missile Defense Program Moves Ahead

After spending only forty billion dollars to produce the astounding results shown here (See Photo), the administration is requesting only another seven or eight billion to move along, presumably with a full-size working version, which actually exists in physical reality.

Excellent Pitch - Where's the product?

Expected in the new, enhanced version (which, as we said, will actually exist) is the ability to down commercial airliners.

Ah, Camp David in Autumn...

Playing Hide and Chic

One of the many points of humorous relief provided by the media in the past several months was the hour or two shortly after the attacks, when they were trying to report the whereabouts of the Leader of the Free World. Where did they want him to be? Sitting in the White House with a big "X" on his head? However, in the months since, many have been curious about the location of Vice President Cheney, and we feel you have a right to know, so we tracked him down. Much to our surprise, he's successfully infiltrated the Taliban's mysterious Yellow Guard. (See Photo)

Gore Wins...

..our vote for Jonathan Frakes look-alike. Watch for him in the upcoming film "Star Trek: Riggedelection"

Al "Number Two" Gore

Number Two

It's been about 370 days since Al Gore won the popular vote, and we can't help, like many Americans, wondering what Al Gore would do if he were in office. Probably write a book, or make that weird "tsch" noise and smirk with one edge of his mouth, while smugly correcting people for saying "nucular".

A Few Words About The Liberal Elitist...
We think it's pretty clear that this is parody. We hope you find it amusing, whatever your political stance. Although we've been accused of being Liberals ourselves, nothing could be farther from the truth. It's just much easier to make fun of extremely priviledged individuals than it is to make fun of nice guys, and making fun of terrorists is way too easy.
What is a Liberal Elitist?

That breed of individual that drives a Lexus, and talks about mass transit. That uses 200 sheets of paper a day at the office, but insists on buying Green Forest toilet paper, even though it's wrapped in plastic.

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