Bush Approval
Rating Soars I.Q. Holds Steady... Through his inspiring use of the
monosyllable "uh", and a focused rollback of personal rights,
GW has made us all feel a whole lot safer from the perils
of "ax of terruh", as well as helping stave off the insanity
of "nuke-ular conflict".
Just remember: If you demand the
rights accorded you by the Constitution, "the terrorists
have already won..." JUST IN... Like Father, Like Son In an effort to upstage dad, Bush proclaims
taxes will be raised "over his dead body" (Real Audio, 6k).
Click Here for a refresher of dad's bald-faced
lie (Real Audio, 6k).
Microsoft, Teletubbies In Heated Court
Battle
You may or may not have noticed the uncanny
similarity between the new Windows XP desktop and Teletubby
Land, but Tinky Winky and Po sure did. The ensuing legal
tangle is adding to the financial woes of the beleagered
software giant. Especially irksome to the Redmond-based
monopoly is the fact that although the DOJ may take bribes,
Teletubbies have little use for cash. The proposed out-of-court
settlement includes
adding Tinky Winky icons to the
default Windows desktop, incorporating miscellaneous
giggling sounds into the OS, and
removal of the MSN logo from the Teletubbies tummies.
When asked to comment, all the Teletubbies' spokesperson
had to say was "Uh-oh" and "la-la".
The Mystery of Bin-Laden's Vault
In his tireless effort to solve the mystery
of Al Capone's Vault, Geraldo Rivera joins Fox News (now
there's an oxymoron) and journeys to Afghanistan, convinced
that if he just digs deep enough, eventually he'll end
up beneath Lake Michigan, surrounded by cases of Canadian
Whiskey and the stashed millions of the infamous Chicago
mob leader.
As of this writing, all he's managed
to find is a goofy hat, a sullied reputation, and a role
in the upcoming re-make of "Fiddler on the Roof". After
two weeks of not shaving or washing his hair to maximize
the impression that he's risking his life to bring us
"news from the front", the daring "war correspondent"
is picked up by U.S. Special Forces, who mistake him for
an al-Quaeda fighter. No word yet on his release.
Losing Face
This was inevitable, according
to most experts in cosmetic surgery. Shown here for the
first time on the web is an out-take from the video "Ghosts",
starring the radically re-designed megastar and Elfin
King, Michael Jackson.
In a strange move, the producers
have left the tragic prosthetic collapse intact in the
video, presumably to avoid a publicity whirlwind by creating
the illusion that it's nothing more than sophisticated
special effects.
