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2002, A Space Anomaly
Terry predicts 100% failure of the GWB-43 unit in 2003

So, last year terrorists struck American soil, and this year the American Government has waged war with anyone it doesn't agree with. Baby Bush is picking up his father's legacy and going after Saddam, (even though there isn't much reason or logic for it beyond his desire to control Iraq's oil.) Texans and their fucking oil. 2002 is the year I blinked and everyone lost their minds. The Republicans managed to get their fingers in more of the pie and the Democrats continued to nod and wag their tails for President Bush. (Luckily one tough Democrat called Bush on is Bullshit, and John Kerry instantly won my vote for 2004.)
Music continued to suck, Britney bombed, bringing her appearance in Playboy closer to reality. Eminem came back, "now go away again!" Bjork released a "greatest hits" record; I started to listen to heavy metal again, ( Godsmack fucking rules, dude!) However as I write this, I'm listening to Electric Light Orchestra, (hey, I can't get it out of my head, nor do I want to.)
Movies were actually pretty good this year. " The Salton Sea" was amazing, especially Val Kilmer's performance. I reviewed almost one hundred porn movies to pay the bills, and wonder if I might soon go blind. The best movies went unnoticed or largely unappreciated, as usual, like " Reign of Fire", and " Signs ". Tarantino got back to work and will give us "Kill Bill" next year, and sequels to "The Matrix" and "Charlie's Angels" will ensure a smile for me for most of next year. Mickey Rourke will soon knock Tom Cruise out of the spotlight and become the huge star he has been waiting to become to the public, (OK, that part is just wishful thinking on my part.)
Television was pretty good too. "Curb Your Enthusiasm, "Alias" and investigative reporting held my attention. If you believed the news, children were being abducted every day and terrorists were hiding in our gardens. (According to CNN, George W. Bush, is actually a sensitive and deeply intelligent man.) The former mayor of New York is a hero for doing what anyone would have, but as far as I'm concerned, he's still the same conservative, adulterous hypocrite who drove the spark from NYC. How are young women supposed to pay for college if they can't strip for money? Fuck Giuliani and all the idiot, looney-tunes who worship him.
2002 was also the year you couldn't oppose the government, but it seemed like the best time in history to do it, and do something about this wave of greed, corruption, and selfishness that has done far more damage than the terrorists ever could have. We don't need to fight Muslim fundamentalists; we need to fight these corporate assholes who are turning us all into their mindless, consumer-slaves. Prescott Bush was in league with the Nazis during WW2, George Bush Sr. was head of the C.I.A for seven years and was in charge of a lot of nasty shit, and I seem to remember another idiot Bush involved in something called the "S&L" scandal, but who keeps track of this empire of criminals? Not voters, that's for sure.
So, what do I anticipate for 2003? The fall of the Bush Empire of evil, greed and ignorance. Another Cheney heart attack, (Bush will ask Jesus Christ to be his Vice-President.) Brad Pitt and Kirsten Dunst will get even hotter, and will be the most visited web site on the Internet.
Osama Bin Laden will still be wandering the mountains, a lonely fanatic waging a war that isn't too far from that of our own President's. Simple minds think alike.
My mission for 2003 is pretty simple, while we're on the subject. I'm going to stop letting it all bother me so much. Politics and business have been in bed together longer than peanut butter has been extra creamy. Now that they have the media in their pocket, what's the point? Americans will always believe everything their told as long as you wave the flag in front of them and whisper the national anthem in their ears. Happy Holidays everyone!

Terry Osterhout
December 2002

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