Bush Gives Up On Earth,
Suggests Going To Mars
President Bush has finally
decided to recognize that there is a kind of space
other than the space between his ears. In a bold
new initiative, he's announced his support of "spatial
entrepreneurs" (windows audio, 29k), and
Our Proposed Colonization Team
acknowledged that the Earth
is doomed if we don't start spending more taxpayer
dollars on contracts awarded to Halliburton to drill
for oil on the Moon, Mars, or heck, maybe even
Lost In Space
Upon seing the first photos
from NASA's Spirit lander, the president was quoted
"Hot damn, somebody
already done bombed it, all we gotta do is commence
For more on the bold new initiative
Your War On Mars"
Bush Announces Billion Dollar
Plan To Promote Marriage
Unless you're gay, of course.
The Bush administration seems unable to take note
of the fact that the American public likes
being single or divorced (what would we do without
The Bush Administration Has
Enjoyed A Long & Fruitful Marriage To The Oil
"Elimidate" or "Joe
Millionaire", for instance?), or that they're
already tired of funding the Bush's various marriage
fiascos. For more on the Bush family's bridal plans
through the years, see "The
Cheney's Undisclosed Locations
Apparently there was more than
one tyrannical leader hiding in that spider hole.
We've tracked down yet another of Cheney's undisclosed
Dick Claims He Wasn't "Laying
Pipe" With Saddam
Sneakin' Smirky In For Turkey
It was good to know that while many
in Iraq were still without power, water, or food, at least
the occupying forces were eating well over Thanksgiving.
The Clever Disguise
That Made It Possible
Employing a masterful disguise, the
president was smuggled into command headquarters via Tikrit
Taxi to dine in air-condioned comfort and take some nice
pictures with the troops.
Did Mr. Bush Deceive Us By Pretending
to Pardon This Turkey?
Nope. That's Good Ol' Post-War Iraq Policy He's Serving
At an official cost of $34,400 per
flight hour to operate Air Force One, this seemed like
a pretty pricey slice of turkey.